Gumo Gumo No GOATSE
by Ripfang Dragon
Summary: When Luffy's outnumbered by an ambush from Don Kreig's pirate crew, his innocence and creativity leave him with ideas for an attack that does more than disturb his ship mates. Rated for disgusting thoughts and details. R


**Author's Notes: **_God, I feel so effed up right now. XDD And I'm sure no one knows what the title means. XD So I'll explain. There is this crazy guy on the net that took pictures, titled them G.O.A.T.S.E., and posted them all over the net. Most of them were removed because of their content, but some still exist if you feel like searching them down (you don't want to, TRUST ME . ). G.O.A.T.S.E. stands for **G**uy **O**pens **A**ss **T**o **S**how **E**veryone. G.O.A.T.S.E. Fear it. XD_

_So that is what this scary ass fic is based off of because ChibiKawaiiMei and I are sick mofos._

_**WARNING: If what you read above disturbed you beyond belief, do not read this fic. The rating and this warning is HERE FOR A REASON! Thank you**_

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"ZORO!" Luffy yells as he watches his first mate get thrown across the alleyway into the nearest building like a rag doll. Don Kreig had gotten a lot more powerful since their last meeting at the Baratie, and the sheer fact that he was using all of his new henchmen and crew mates to outnumber the Straw Hat Pirates wasn't exactly helping.

First it was Usopp, who had been strangled into unconsciousness. Fortunately, Sanji was able to stop the villain's henchmen before he had the chance to claim the sharpshooter's life. Then Sanji was taken out by some knock out gas that Kreig had kept a secret for the entire battle. And now Zoro, who took a powerful hit from Kreig's Battle Spear, leaves Luffy alone to face Kreig and his men.

Luffy looks around, trying to find something that might help give him the upper hand against the large number of men that Kreig had against him. Nothing. He braces himself, putting himself in a defensive stance while he looks around frantically. The alley is too small for him to use his gum gum fireworks attack and there are too many people for his gum gum pistol to take out.

"Uggh..." Zoro groans and sits up, rubbing the back of his head ruefully. "That smarts..."

"Zoro! Good! You're awake!" Luffy smiles. Finally! Things were evening themselves out again.

"Yeah," Zoro mumbles as he stands up, gathering his swords so he can fight again.

"No!" Luffy yells. "Don't fight. I need you to get Usopp and Sanji out of here!"

"But why?"

"NOW!"

"Alright, alright!" Zoro sheathes his swords and runs over to Sanji. He kneels by the fighting cook and shakes him violently. "Oi! Shithead! Get up!" He gets no response from Sanji. "OI!" Zoro stands up and kicks Sanji in the ribs. That was enough to wake him up.

"Hey!" Sanji grunts and curls up slightly on his side. "Marimo-head! What was that for!" It couldn't have hurt that bad if he's still well enough to throw insults.

"Get up now." Zoro demands. "We need to leave his alley way. Luffy's got something planned."

"Fine," Sanji says as he gets up, now sore from the kick. He mumbles a promise of revenge under his breath and starts heading for all the alley exit, taking down anyone and everyone in his path.

"Now for Usopp..." Zoro walks over to Usopp and picks him up. He's light enough to carry. He turns and runs after Sanji, dodging out of the way of falling bodies and swinging weapons, until finally all three of them are out of the alley.

"Looks like you're crew deserted you, Straw Hat." Kreig crows. "What now?"

"Now I can take you all out," Luffy smirks.

"Oh? One man?" Kreig bursts out laughing. "Don't make me laugh!" As if on cue, his henchmen started following their captain and begin to laugh as well. That is, until Luffy drops his pants. Krieg stops laughing at the sight of Luffy's naked lower half, all of sudden everything seeming more disturbing than funny. "What the..?"

"GUM GUM BAZOOKA!" Luffy slams both of his hands off of the ground below him and fires himself into the air.

"What is he doing!" Kreig yells, completely dumbfounded and disturbed.

Luffy smiles innocently and twists in the air until his back is facing the ground. "GUM GUM G.O.A.T.S.E.!" Luffy digs his fingers into this anus and stretches his rectum out. He stretches his arms out farther, causing his rectum to open up even more as he falls back down to the ground and onto Kreig's crew.

Zoro and Sanji stand out in the road, staring in horror at the new attack the Luffy seemed to have pulled out of no where.

"D-did he just..?" Sanji says.

"Yes," Zoro answers. "He did..." He continues staring, beginning to envy Usopp for being unconscious during all of this.

"HE JUST ENGULFED KREIG'S CREW INTO HIS ASS!" Sanji screams, grabbing his head with his hands and weaving his fingers through his blond hair, disturbed, disgusted and scared out of his mind.

Luffy puts back on his pants and walks out of the alleyway. He smiles sweetly at Zoro and Sanji as if nothing had happened. "Come on, guys." He says. "Let's go home!" Luffy marches off in the direction where the Going Merry is docked. "And Sanji?"

"Yes?" Sanji replies, but can't bring himself to turn around and look at his captain.

"I want meat tonight!" Luffy says in a sing-song voice.

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**Ending Notes: **_XD EEKS FECKING DEE! Enough said XD I hope that I didn't scare y'all too much with this. . If you read it and don't like it, poo on you XD I warned you all. . I'm sorry ;_


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